Love and Logic Articles 

I'moften asked if Love and Logic applies to children with autism. For years, we'vebeen hearing success stories from parents and professionals indicating theanswer to this question:

Yes. While it doesn't solve all of the child'sproblems, Love and Logic really helps.

I'd like to share a relevant and much unexpectedexperience I had bicycling home from work one day. While I was peddling down apeaceful pedestrian-only path, a woman in a minivan jumped the curb, screechedto a halt in front of me, and screamed, "I've lost my child! He's autisticand he ran away from us at the pool! Have you seen him?"

Of course I agreed to help her look for the boy. AsI did, she warned, "He's 13; he's really big, and you won't be able to gethim to come with you."

About two miles down the path, there he was. Yes,he was very big, and very agitated! I decided to use one of my favorite Loveand Logic techniques, TheOne-Sentence Intervention.

I said to him, "Look at that watch." Hesuddenly stopped and raised his arm to show me his Batman time piece. Icountered with, "And I noticed that your shirt has a motorcycle onit." He looked at his shirt. "And I heard you like to swim," Icontinued. He stared at me with a combination smile and"what-planet-are-you-from?" look.

In our book, Teachingwith Love and Logic, we teach that relationships are the key toreaching challenging kids. The One-Sentence Intervention involves noticingunique and special things about children.

After noticing these small things about the boy, Isaid, "Just follow me. I'll take care of you." To my amazement, hefollowed me all the way back to his mother.

This boy gave me a great gift. He reminded me thatkids are human beings not diagnoses. He also reminded me that each of them hasthe fundamental human need to feel noticed and valued.

Thanks for reading! Our goal is to help as manyfamilies as possible. If this is a benefit, forward it to a friend.

Dr. Charles Fay

It's NotWorking! 

Haveyou ever been in a spot with your kids when you felt like Love and Logic justwasn't working? I have! In fact, there have been times when my wife and I havejoked that Love and Logic only works on other peoples' kids.

Listedbelow are six questions to ask ourselves when this begins to happen:

• Am I using too many words as I implement the technique? 

• The more words we use when a child is upset or acting out, the less effective we become.

• Am I displaying anger or frustration?

• Anger and frustration feed misbehavior.

• Am I giving too many warnings before consequences…or lecturing too much afterward
•  
• The more we warn kids about consequences, the less they seem to care about them when they finally come. Also, after the children experience consequences, resist the urge to rub salt in the wound by lecturing them about what they should have learned.
• Has our relationship gone down hill? 
• If consequences don't seem to be working, it might be due to a lack of positive connection between you and the child. Experiment with using the One-Sentence Intervention found in our book, Teaching with Love and Logic.   (This is a great resource for parents, too!)

• Does this child - or do we, as parents - need professional help?

• If there are deeper problems driving the misbehavior, it's likely that few things will really work until these issues are dealt with.

• Is this a temporary phase?

• Yep! Sometimes kids act out because they are kids, and their little neurons are still developing. Hang in there and see if a little time does the trick.

Thanksfor reading!

Dr.Charles Fay

The Power of theEnforceable Statement

Thereare a number of people, probably not very many, who enjoy being ordered to dothings. Somehow it just seems to rankle quite a few of us to be told what todo. So, when we are told to shut up, we tend to talk more. Telling kids tohurry up is usually followed by our having to compare them to stationaryobjects to see if they are actually moving.

Thisquirk of human nature was researched by Dr. Raymond Wlodkowski. He found thatwhen we are ordered to do something, we subconsciously sense a loss of personalcontrol. This is increased if a threat is stated with the order such as,"If you don't eat your peas, you are not going to get dessert." We'veall seen the results of this kind of threat. The situation usually goes downhill rapidly. What was once a happy mealtime becomes the scene of a powerstruggle as both the adult and child try to regain control.

Dr.Wlodkowski's Threat Cycle research led us to develop the technique calledEnforceable Statements. We found that when kids tell themselves the possiblethreat there is far less resistance.

Whena child hears the parent say, "I'll be serving dessert to everyone whoeats peas." The youngster can say to himself, "Uh oh, I might not getdessert," but doesn't readily identify the threat as coming from theadult. The result? Odds for cooperation increase. Odds for arguing go down.

Learnmore about Enforceable Statements in our audio CD, Love Me Enough to Set Some Limits.

Thanksfor reading,

JimFay